How are you doing? How’s May treating you? Tell me everything.

Leave a comment

As for me, a little mid-May update:

• I’ve been shrinking myself a little less and speaking up more, so honestly? Yay for that.

• I’ve been eating more iron-rich foods, which feels like a small but meaningful win. I have no idea where my actual levels are yet, but TBD at my post-op appointment, so we’ll revisit that.

• I haven’t had a chance to make the whole dinner table / supper club idea happen yet, but I have had lunches and dinners with loved ones, and I’m counting that because community doesn’t have to be perfectly curated to matter.

Pilates? I miss her terribly.

I cannot wait to get the green light to get back into class, but in the meantime, I’ve been walking a little more and honestly, that has felt plentiful in its own way.

I was browsing for something to watch last week when I landed on CEO Club and, somehow, ended up binging the whole thing. More than once, I found myself reaching for my Notes app. What I expected to be a classic girlboss, CEO-type show turned out to be far more layered than I anticipated. Beneath the ambition and business conversations were themes of community, grief, visibility, motherhood, women’s health, and the very human things we all carry in different ways.

What I Took From CEO Club

For context, the show was filmed in 2024 and executive produced by Serena Williams, who also appears throughout the series as we get glimpses into her brand, WYN, and her own experience balancing business, ambition, and motherhood.

I went into CEO Club expecting founder stories, business conversations, and the usual ambitious-women-building-things energy. And yes, it absolutely delivered that. What I didn’t expect was how emotional parts of it would feel.

A theme I kept noticing throughout the series was motherhood, community, grief, resilience, and hope. Maybe because of the season of life I’m currently in, those themes landed differently than they might have a year ago.

Winnie Harlow said something that made me pause:

“What’s life if not to be lived?”

Simple, but honestly, one of those reminders that lands exactly when you need it. And yes, her proposal absolutely brought tears to my eyes. Congrats, sis!

Another moment that stayed with me came from Thalia, who said:

“Pain doesn’t disappear, you carry that pain.”

Oof. That one sat with me for a while. Not in an overwhelmingly heavy way, but in that honest human way where you hear something and immediately understand exactly what it means. Especially knowing she was navigating the loss of her sister while filming.

Loren Ridinger was another story that stayed with me. I had never heard of her before watching the show, and honestly, my heart broke for her. To watch someone navigate the sudden loss of a partner while also stepping into a new chapter in business, all while trying to figure out how to keep moving forward, felt incredibly brave.

Of course, it’s a show, and I know editing exists to tell a story and keep us watching, but overall, I thought there were genuinely some nuggets worth holding onto.

What I appreciated most was seeing conversations around identity, visibility, self-worth, motherhood, resilience, and women’s health woven into a space that could have easily been about business and entrepreneurship.

And sure, many of these women have access and privilege that most of us don’t. Money. Nannies. Freedom. Established careers. I’m not ignoring that. And still, so much of what surfaced felt familiar.

But I also found myself stripping all of that away while watching and just seeing them as women navigating very human experiences.

I think we spend so much time as a society glorifying celebrities and public figures that we forget they’re still human, too.

I honestly didn’t know much about Winnie Harlow before this, and I’m glad I got to learn more about her story and about vitiligo. Seeing how she’s built community, awareness, and parts of her business around something that makes her uniquely her was genuinely inspiring. I can’t wait to purchase her upcoming children’s book - Simply Winnie.

I’ve been familiar with ’s work for years, mostly because we’ve both occupied wellness corners of the internet for what feels like forever. I remember her earlier Instagram days, HBFIT, and watching her evolve through wellness, entrepreneurship, and now motherhood. She also shares more of her story on Substack through Hanna’s List, which feels especially fitting for this little corner of the internet.

What I admired most was her openness around her journey to conceive and ultimately going through IVF. That kind of vulnerability brings much-needed visibility to maternal wellness and women’s health, and as you can probably imagine, that deeply resonates with me.

Her willingness to share something so personal likely reached thousands of women, and somewhere in that, someone felt seen, heard, and a little less alone.

I have close friends who have gone through IVF and fertility treatments, and I truly believe these are conversations we need to have more openly.

In the show, Hannah and her partner Jamie are raising $40 million for their venture fund, Conteur Capital, which is no small feat in this economy. But beyond the business side of it, what really stood out to me was the heart behind the idea. It was born from a very real gap in women’s health and maternal wellness, and I deeply respect that they’re intentionally focusing on supporting Black-owned businesses through that work.

Truth be told, I almost didn’t continue the series, but I’m glad I did.

Because while some of the heavier conversations stayed with me, there were lighter moments too, and I appreciated that balance.

Which brings me to a completely unserious confession: I absolutely hate the idea of a push gift. Please don’t come for me. And yet… somehow, I may have casually hinted to my husband about the perfect gift I expect (if). Aside from the baby, of course. Lol.

Isabela Grutman was also featured on the show, someone I didn’t know before watching, and I was genuinely in awe of the jewelry empire she’s built. Seeing her passion for creating, sourcing, and bringing each piece to life was really cool to watch.

It was also clear that motherhood is her number one priority, pride, and joy. A complete non-negotiable.

Back to the gift… I am slightly obsessed with this 14k “mom” necklace from her collection. Husband, if you’re reading this, I’ve got a link for you. :)

A thought i’m sitting with…

I think we underestimate how much what we consume shapes us.

Not just food, but content. Conversations. Media. The voices we listen to. The stories we internalize.

I went into this show expecting ambition, founder stories, and a little aspirational escapism. What I didn’t expect was to walk away thinking about grief, motherhood, women’s health, and the very human things we all carry in different ways.

Maybe that’s the point.

The things we consume don’t just entertain us. Sometimes, they reflect something back to us. Sometimes, they make us think differently. Sometimes, they remind us of conversations we need to be having more openly. And if nothing else, this little binge watch gave me just that.

Subscribe now

x, holy

A gentle note: this piece touches on pregnancy loss, recovery, and women’s health experiences. Please read with care.

My experience with pregnancy loss completely shifted the way I view women’s health.

Before pregnancy, I thought maternal health mostly began once you became pregnant. Maybe even after you gave birth. I didn’t fully understand how much of it begins long before that. The nourishment. The hormones. The stress. Sleep. The emotional and physical load women carry before, during, and after pregnancy.

And honestly? I don’t think enough women are taught any of this.

Maternal wellness is real. It deserves more attention, education, care, and conversation than it currently gets.

We spend so much time talking about wellness online, but so little of it is centered around supporting women through one of the most transformative experiences of their lives. Not just pregnancy itself, but everything surrounding it. Fertility. Loss. Recovery. Postpartum. Nourishment. Hormones. Mental health. Healing.

That became impossible for me to ignore after my miscarriage.

Recovering after pregnancy loss was deeply emotional in ways I wasn’t fully prepared for. Physically, mentally, emotionally, there were so many things happening in my body all at once, and so much of the recovery felt unspoken. From a kidney infection to a double UTI shortly after, I found myself navigating layers of healing I never expected.

I remember thinking: why are women expected to just quietly carry all of this?

That experience is a huge part of why Plant-Based Maman exists today.

Not because I have all the answers. I absolutely do not. But because I want women to feel less alone, more informed, and more supported than I did at times throughout this journey.

And honestly, I’ve realized that knowledge itself can be healing.

Not fear-based wellness. Not perfection. Not trying to “optimize” every part of womanhood. Just understanding our bodies better and learning how to support them with more intention.

When my husband and I decided we were ready to try for a baby, I started paying closer attention to my wellbeing, and lifestyle. I paused summer wine on the patio with friends, water for this girl. I moved my body more consistently. I tracked my cycle more carefully. I prioritized sleep, hydration, nourishment, stress management, and boundaries. Especially boundaries.

I also started realizing how deeply connected everything really is. Our hormones, our stress levels, our nourishment, our relationships, our environments, our nervous systems. None of it exists separately.

And now, after everything we’ve experienced, I care about this even more deeply.

Not from a place of fear. From a place of respect. Respect for the fact that our bodies are constantly communicating with us, even when we’ve been taught to ignore them.

One of my close friends keeps reminding me of something that has stayed with me through this entire season: your body knows what to do.

And honestly, I believe that more now than ever.

Even through the loss, the surgery, the recovery, and all of the uncertainty, my body has continued trying to protect me, heal me, and communicate with me. That doesn’t erase the pain of what happened, but it has completely changed the way I see my body.

I’m learning to stop viewing my body as something that failed me and start viewing it as something that deserves care, nourishment, education, patience, and compassion.

That shift has changed everything.

I’ve spent the last several months learning more about women’s health, nourishment, fertility, hormones, and maternal wellness in a way I never had before. And the more I learn, the more I realize how much women deserve better support, education, and care throughout these seasons of life.

Because this space was never just about recipes or wellness routines. It became something much bigger than that.

It became a place to talk honestly about becoming a mother. All of it. The hope, the grief, the healing, the nourishment, the questions, the waiting, the joy, and the things women are too often expected to carry silently.

So no, my miscarriage did not happen “for a reason.” I would never say that.

But I do believe I get to choose what I do with my experience now. And I choose to keep building this space with the hope that another woman somewhere might feel a little less alone because of it.

And while this space will naturally hold a lot of conversations around motherhood, fertility, pregnancy, postpartum, and nourishment, I also hope it can simply be a place where women feel supported in learning more about their bodies and wellbeing overall.

Whether motherhood is part of your story or not, you are still worthy of care, nourishment, education, and wellness that actually supports your life.

And if anything shared here ever helps you support someone you love along the way, that matters too.

One publication I’ve especially loved lately is . The conversations they’re creating around maternal health, birth equity, and women’s wellness feel incredibly important and deeply aligned with the kind of space I hope to continue building here.

Borne

Setting a new standard for family-centered maternal care through publishing, education and community. Because birthing in freedom isn't just possible, it's our birthright.

Because women deserve better conversations around their health. More honesty. More education. More support.

I hope this space can become a small part of that.

If you’re someone working in maternal health, whether as a doula, midwife, delivery nurse, or educator, I’d truly love to connect and hear your perspective, too.

I’m still healing, still growing, and still moving through all of this in real time. But I’ll be here sharing what I’m learning as I go.

Subscribe now

x, holy

I can’t believe it’s already May.

Maybe it’s because this year has already felt so heavy in certain ways, or maybe because life keeps moving even when you feel like you’re still trying to catch your breath. Either way, here we are. The fifth month of the year.

And honestly? I’ve been craving a bit of a reset. iykyk.

Not the kind that requires a brand new routine, or becoming a completely different person overnight. Just a few things I want to focus on a little more intentionally this month. Things that genuinely support my wellbeing and the kind of life I’m trying to build.

So here’s what I’m focusing on this May.

1. Stop shrinking myself

This one has been sitting with me for a while.

I want to speak up more. Trust myself more. Stop second-guessing my ideas before they even have a chance to exist outside of my head. I think for a long time, I’ve softened my voice before anyone else had the opportunity to hear it fully.

Not in an aggressive way. Just in a “maybe this isn’t important enough to share” kind of way.

But I care deeply about what I’m building here, and I want to keep growing into that. Keep writing. Keep sharing. Keep trusting that my voice deserves to take up space, too.

2. Get my iron levels up, naturally

No lies here. Your girl is depleted.

Between pregnancy, loss, surgery, and blood loss, my body has been through a lot these past several months. And while I’m absolutely focusing on rest and recovery, I also want to be more intentional about rebuilding my iron levels through food first, alongside the supplements my OBGYN recommended.

So lately, I’ve been paying more attention to iron-rich meals and pairing foods in a way that supports absorption. You’d be surprised how many women walk around with iron deficiencies and have no idea.

I don’t gatekeep around here, so here are a few iron-rich foods and pairings I’ve been focusing on lately:

• lentils + lemon juice

• tofu scramble + bell peppers

• spinach/romaine bowls with citrus tahini dressing

• oats with hemp seeds and berries

• pumpkin seeds as an easy snack or topping

• quinoa bowls with leafy greens

• sourdough with unsweetened peanut butter, banana, hemp seeds, and flaky salt

I’ve also been trying to pair iron-rich meals with vitamin C foods more since it helps support absorption. Nothing complicated, just small things that add up over time.

There’s something empowering about understanding what your body needs instead of constantly fighting against it.

3. Pay closer attention to my cycle

I know “cycle syncing” has become a trendy wellness phrase online, but for me, this is less about perfection and more about awareness. I want to better understand my hormones, my energy levels, and what my body is trying to communicate to me throughout the month.

Especially as we prepare to try to conceive again later this year.

I also think conversations around periods, hormones, fertility, and reproductive health deserve to be more open and less taboo. We spend so much of our lives in these bodies. They have the potential to create life. That’s incredible, honestly, and I think we should feel more allowed to talk about it that way.

I know I’ve mentioned this book before, but honestly, Blood by Dr. Jen Gunter is such a goldmine.

4. Host the kind of gatherings I keep talking about

A few weeks after we moved into our house, my husband found the most beautiful dining table on Facebook Marketplace. A big, crafted wooden table that the owners built themselves. It was an immediate yes for me.

The second I saw it, I pictured slow lunches, lazy dinners, and friends gathered around it. The kind of home that feels warm, welcoming, and lived in.

We’ve already been able to host some friends and family around it, and every single time our home is full, it makes me happy.

I’ve talked for months about wanting to host a supper club-style gathering, and I think this summer might finally be the time to make it happen. I’m getting stronger, summer produce is about to reach peak freshness, and honestly, I want in. My friend Jessica wrote about what it takes to host a supper club last year, and that idea has stayed with me ever since.

So this month, I want to stop romanticizing dinners from afar and actually create space for it in real life. Even if it’s simple. Even if it’s just pasta, a salad, a couple bottles of wine.

I want to gather more around the table.

5. Reconnect with movement gently

Before surgery, walking and Pilates were such grounding parts of my routine, and I miss that feeling. Not even physically, necessarily. Mentally.

So this month, after I get the clear from my doctor, I want to ease back into movement slowly and gently. A walk around the neighborhood. Get back to the studio when my body is ready. My local studio recently launched their prenatal series, and I already can’t wait to be part of it when the time comes.

Post-op has definitely been humbling, though. One minute you think you’re ready to do all the things again, and the next your incision is basically screaming, “girl, sit your ass down.”

I think wellness can become so performative online that we forget it’s supposed to support our actual lives.

So maybe this month is an oppourtunity to look around your own life a little more honestly. What’s something your body, mind, or environment has been asking for more of lately?

Maybe the answer is simpler than you think.

x, holy

Eating well is often talked about like it requires structure, time, and a perfectly planned day. But let’s be honest, most of us are not living that kind of life.

Real life looks different for many of us. Long workdays, low energy, a family to take care of, after-school activities, girls’ nights, date nights, takeout, and meals that come together quickly, or not at all.

Right now, I’m 11 days post-op, and if I’m being honest, I’m not operating at full capacity. I’m cooking less, resting more, and letting things be simpler than I normally would. Shoutout to my husband for holding it down in the kitchen.

With everything my body has been through recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it actually means to eat well. Not in an ideal life, but in real life. Because the truth is, eating well shouldn’t depend on having everything perfectly in place.

For me, it comes down to what I keep on hand and how I use it. Not a strict plan or a routine I have to follow perfectly, just a few things I can rely on even when I don’t feel like doing much.

Grains I can throw together without thinking, beans and lentils for something filling, simple proteins, fresh or roasted vegetables.

Tofu is always part of that. I love tofu. I’ve been fully plant-based for almost 20 years, and at this point, it’s simply how I live. Not a diet, just a way of eating that feels natural to me. And no, my husband isn’t plant-based, and it’s never been a big deal. I’ve also never cooked meat in my life, so I’m no help to him there, lol. Pass me the vegetables.

One thing I do try to stay mindful of, regardless of the season, is fiber. Not in an overthought, track-everything kind of way, but as a baseline for how I build my meals. Fiber supports digestion, helps keep you full, and plays a role in everything from energy levels to hormone health. Most of the time, when you’re eating whole foods, you’re already getting it in. Beans, lentils, vegetables, whole grains, fruit. It’s simpler than we make it.

I think we’ve made eating well feel like something you have to get right, like it only counts if you’re fully committed and consistent. Honestly, I don’t think that’s realistic.

Some days look like a thoughtfully planned, home-cooked meal. Other days look like something quick, something ordered, or something you barely have the energy to put together. And both can exist.

Because eating well isn’t about doing everything perfectly. It’s more about what you come back to most of the time.

Whole foods aren’t a trend. They’re not a gimmick or a catch phrase on a cute t-shirt. They’re simply food that supports your body over time. And that matters, whether you’re thinking about fertility or trying to conceive, or not. This is about your everyday health, your energy, and your long-term wellbeing.

Here’s what a typical morning looks like for me. I start with water first, always. Breakfast is usually something simple, like:

• overnight oats (I have my go-to recipe to share with you)

• apples with peanut butter

• a yogurt bowl, or sometimes just yogurt on its own

• a tofu scramble if I want something savoury

• toast, with avocado or tomato on top

• or a smoothie - I live for e+rose’s no bread smoothie

After that, I’ll have an unsweetened oat matcha or an oat cappuccino. Nothing elaborate, just things I can put together easily that still feel good.

If anything, this season has reminded me that eating well doesn’t require an ideal life. It just requires a little awareness, a few staples, and the willingness to keep things simple. Not perfect, not aesthetic, just supportive.

And that can look like whatever is realistic for you. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing to count. And if you want to make it pretty, please do. I’m guilty of that too, former food blogger here.

If you’ve been feeling like you need to get back on track, maybe you don’t. Maybe you just need to meet yourself where you are and start there.

x, holy

a gentle note: this post touches on pregnancy loss, bleeding, and some women’s health experiences. please read with care.

So… fibroids.

Because apparently we’re adding that to the list. My least favourite f word.

After everything that happened with my pregnancy, I’ve been going through all the follow-ups, tests, and appointments to try and understand what was actually going on in my body. And somewhere along the way, fibroids entered the chat.

I had heard of them before, but never really thought much about them. Definitely never thought they would be something I’d have to deal with personally.

And here we are…

If you didn’t know, fibroids are noncancerous growths in the uterus. They’re much more common than I ever realized, especially among Black women. Some women have them and never even know. Others… not so much. Like me.

In my case, one of them is sitting in my uterine cavity, which can affect bleeding and, potentially, pregnancy outcomes. It’s a submucosal fibroid, and unfortunately, it likely contributed to the placental abruption I experienced at 13w5d, along with the subchorionic hematoma I experienced earlier in the pregnancy.

So now I’m not just thinking about what happened, I’m thinking about what this means moving forward.

And I’m really thankful that we have an OBGYN who is as invested and compassionate as she is. She’s made it her mission to make sure this doesn’t happen ever again.

After the SIS procedure, we were able to confirm the fibroid’s location. From there, I had to get an MRI to get a more precise view so we could figure out the best way to remove it.

I’ve definitely found myself going down the rabbit hole again, trying to understand what fibroids are, how they form, and what my options are. But I’m also trying not to overwhelm myself with too much information at once.

Because if there’s one thing I’m learning, it’s that you can’t Google your way into peace, lol.

So, what’s the solution to all this? The plan is surgery. Your girl is getting a robotic myomectomy this week to remove the fibroid, and we’re so grateful to have a surgeon and team who specialize in this.

Even typing that out feels a little surreal.

There’s a part of me that feels grateful to have answers. Like, okay… this explains some things. It gives us a clearer path forward, and this procedure should help prevent this from happening again. Thank God, because it was awful. But there’s also a part of me that feels nervous. I’m human, after all.

About the procedure. About recovery. About what comes after. And, if I’m being honest… about my own fertility. I’ve had moments where I’ve thought, why is my body going through all of this?

Like… who did I piss off?

But I’m also trying to meet this moment with a different mindset. Not one rooted in fear, but in understanding, hope, and strength. I want to do everything I can to have a full-term, healthy baby and a healthy maman… me.

Taking care of my body in the way it needs right now. Asking questions, getting support, and trusting that I’m moving in the right direction, even if it doesn’t feel easy. Even if more pain is on the horizon, lol.

This is just where I am. Learning more about my body than I ever expected to. Making decisions I didn’t think I’d have to make. And trying to move forward, one step at a time.

Shout out to my husband. He’s the best, and I love him so much. He’s been so supportive through all of this. We’ve had to face some really scary moments together, and when I feel like shit, he’s there to carry me. Truly, a real one.

And I’ll admit… I did a little trigger-happy shopping and finally bought the Alo sweatpants I’ve been eyeing. You know, post-surgery comfort.

It’s the little things that carry you through.

x, holy

We talk about wellness every day. It’s everywhere. A billion-dollar industry built on routines, products, and the idea that if we just get it right, we’ll feel better.

After my miscarriage, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it actually means to take care of myself.

And listen… I love it. I’m a sucker for good branding, pastels, and serif fonts. My husband calls me out on it all the time, and honestly, he’s not wrong. I’ve always been this way. My journey into wellness started over 20 years ago when I went plant-based. So yes, I love a good product design. I love supporting small businesses. I love discovering something new.

It brings me joy. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

But lately, I’ve been reminded that there’s no amount of products that can actually make you feel whole.

Last week, I realized I was more unhappy than I thought.

I told my husband I wanted to buy a reformer. His answer was a solid no. Not because I can’t have it, but because realistically, I wouldn’t use it enough to justify it. And he’s probably right. Okay fine, he’s right. I haven’t been consistent with Pilates the way I used to be. Life has been life. In my head, it made sense. I don’t have to spend $45 at a studio, I could just do it at home… but would I, though?

And also… my body has been through a lot.

I miscarried a little over two months ago, and my body is still trying to regulate. My hormones have been all over the place. I just had my second cycle since, and it left me feeling more emotional than I expected.

And then there’s Instagram.

I’d open the app and see everyone living their version of the “best life.” Pilates at noon, glowing, thriving, moving like nothing ever happened. And I realized… being on there, in this season, wasn’t helping me at all.

I kept telling myself I was strong enough to scroll, to like, to be happy for everyone. And I am happy for them. Truly. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t affecting me. So I did what I should have done a while ago.

I deactivated my account.

And honestly… it’s been one of the best things I’ve done for myself. My mindset shifted from “I should be further along” to “I’m allowed to be exactly where I am.”.

This season has been a lot. Doctor visits, ultrasounds, an MRI. Trying to get answers while also trying to move forward. The world doesn’t stop, and for a while, I felt like I had to keep up. But I don’t.

I don’t have to carry everything at once.
I don’t have to pretend I’m okay when I’m not.
I don’t have to rush my healing.

So I’ve been going back to the basics. The kind of wellness you don’t buy.

Walking more consistently. Not just to work, but during my lunch break and at home after dinner. I also added 2 lb weights and let me tell you… humbling. But good. That’s 4 lb total, by the way.

Voice memos with friends while I walk. Catching up on podcasts. Getting back into my devotional. Spending time with God. More tea. More matcha. Reading more. Writing more. Journaling with .

Taking care of myself in ways that actually feel like care.

I had a facial this weekend. Talked through things that feel small, like dark circles from crying, and Atlanta pollen, but also feel real to me. I had lunch with my sisters. And took a Pilates class with my sister-in-law. A date night with my husband. I laughed. I felt like myself again, even if just for a moment.

There’s no right way to grieve. We all carry things differently. But what I’m learning is that taking care of myself right now isn’t about doing more. It’s about doing what actually supports me. Leaning into my community. Letting myself be where I am. Choosing what feels good instead of what looks good.

I know we’ll hold our baby one day. I believe that deeply. But right now, my focus is this season. Healing at my own pace. Without comparison. Without a timeline.

And maybe that’s the most real version of wellness there is.

And no… I don’t need a reformer for that.

x, holy

Not true. I went from tampons to pads real quick.

There’s so much you don’t know when you get pregnant, and no one really goes into it thinking, oh yeah, xyz could happen to me. You hear about things, sure, but it always feels like something that happens to other people.

When I got pregnant, I remember thinking about my twin sister’s experience with hyperemesis gravidarum 9 years ago. It was excruciating for her. I prayed that wouldn’t be my story. Honestly, I’m so glad I never experienced vomiting during my pregnancy. It’s legit one of my fears… I always think I’m going to choke on my own vomit and be found dead alone. Morbid, but true lol.

Thankfully, it wasn’t. But that doesn’t mean things were smooth either.

Because I ended up dealing with something I had never even heard of before — a subchorionic hematoma. Which, at the time, meant absolutely nothing to me. All I knew was that I was bleeding. A lot of it. smh. And it was scary. I didn’t know what it meant at the time, but this is essentially what was happening.

When it first happened, I thought I was miscarrying. I felt awful. I remember taking a shower that night, trying to calm myself down, and calling the nurse on call. She reassured me that since the bleeding had slowed and turned brown, it could be okay. That gave me just enough hope to get through the night until my appointment the next morning.

From what I understand now, a subchorionic hematoma is essentially a pocket of blood that forms between the uterus and the placenta. It’s actually more common than I realized, but no one really talks about it until you’re in it.

Again, how was I supposed to know this was even a thing? And for some women, they don’t even bleed it out, it just disappears. They must be God’s favourites.

At one point, I really felt like the woman with the issue of blood in the Bible, iykyk.

Up until my miscarriage, I bled. Then my first period post loss came three weeks later. Add in a uterine fibroid sitting in my uterine cavity causing even more bleeding… I mean, that’s a post on its own. More on that later.

And when you’re in it, it feels like everything is happening all at once.

There’s the physical side, the bleeding, the discomfort, the constant awareness of your body. But there’s also the emotional side. The fear. The overthinking. The Googling you probably shouldn’t be doing.

But honestly, finding myself in a Reddit black hole reading about other women with similar experiences… it made me feel okay. Almost like I could accept that this was my reality, and that maybe it would pass.

And then there’s the waiting.

Waiting to see if things resolve. Waiting for your next appointment. Waiting for reassurance that everything is okay. Looking back, what surprised me the most wasn’t just the diagnosis itself, but how unprepared I felt for something like that to even be a possibility.

Also… why me? It’s my first pregnancy, couldn’t it just be chill?

No one tells you that pregnancy can look like this, too. Not just the glowing, growing version. But the uncertain, confusing, and honestly overwhelming parts.

These days, I feel like I’m knee-deep in women’s health, trying to understand what the hell is actually going on in our bodies. I’ve been reading Blood by Dr. Jen Gunter, and it’s been one of those books that makes you realize how much we were never taught in the first place.

I’m sharing this because if you’re going through something similar, you’re not alone. And also because I wish I had known that this was something that could happen, not to scare myself, but just to be aware.

Pregnancy is beautiful, yes. But it can also be unpredictable. And both can exist at the same time.

x, holy

I’m sore (in the best way), but it felt so good to be back in a space that feels like a safe haven for me. And that place is KKRU. Seeing my instructor and familiar faces welcome me back was really special. One of those moments where you don’t realize how much you missed something until you’re back in it.

I kept it simple and started with Classical Pilates Mat Foundations & Progressions class taught by Dee J, who was amazing and really helped me with a few modifications as I eased back in. It’s been a while since I’ve been on a mat like that, and I didn’t want to rush the process. This felt like the right class to start with.

That said, I didn’t go in completely cold.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve slowly been getting back into movement at home through Alo Wellness Club, specifically Bianca Wise’s Foundation series. It helped me reconnect with the basics and made stepping back into an in-person class feel a lot less intimidating. Plus, I really liked her cues and teaching style. Oh, and did I mention it’s free?

I’ve also been adding in evening walks when I can. Nothing crazy, just an hour to move, clear my head, and be outside. Although, pollen has definitely been my nemesis lately, so it’s been a little hit or miss.

There are also a few Pilates instructors I love and keep coming back to, whether online or in class: Brittany from Sweet Soul Pilates, Toluwa from Pilates by Tee, Kiersten of Well with Kiersten, and Bianca Wise’s Alo répertoire. I also really enjoy a good sculpt class with Raven of PilatesBodyRaven has been my go-to for that. Each of them has such a thoughtful approach to movement, and I always feel good after taking their classes.

Subscribe now

My journey with Pilates really started in March 2024 (okay, two years), and it’s been one of the most grounding forms of movement for me. That said, it doesn’t have to be Pilates for you. I know it’s having a moment (for good reason - Joseph knew what he was doing), and classical Pilates is such a strong, intentional practice, but it doesn’t have to be your thing.

There’s HIIT, sculpt, yoga, walking, strength training, running, core work, barre… so many ways to move your body.

Just move your body, sis!

The goal is to find what moves you and what fits your body in the season you’re in.

Getting back into this rhythm feels really good. At your own pace!

Especially knowing that we’ll be trying again in a few months, I want to feel strong, grounded, and connected to my body. Not in a pressure-filled way, but in a way that feels supportive and intentional.

Right now, this is what that looks like for me. Starting slow. Coming back to the basics. And letting my body lead the way.

x, holy

I’m writing this from Portrait Coffee, sipping on an oat matcha and eating a croissant… so take that as you will. Post-Pilates class life, ha.

There’s a lot of nutrition support and guidance for postpartum that I didn’t get to experience. So when my version of postpartum hit me in the face at almost 16 weeks… I felt unprepared.

My husband and I are forever thankful for the many UberEats gift cards and home-cooked meals our friends sent us. Because honeyyyy, the last place your girl wanted to be was in front of the stove (lol).

After everything my body has been through, I’ve been trying to keep things simple. I’ve been making this dish on repeat, and it will forever be my OG meal. It’s actually one of the first things I learned to cook when I went plant-based almost 20 years ago.

tofu scramble.

It’s also been really practical. I can make a batch and have it ready for a couple of days, which has been helpful on the days where I don’t feel like cooking but still want something nourishing. But honestly, it’s a 50/50 chance I end up eating the whole pot throughout the day. Cue the tostadas and avocados.

From a nutrition standpoint, tofu is just a really good option, especially in a season like this. It’s a great source of plant-based protein, which helps with recovery and keeps you full. It also has iron and calcium, which are both important for supporting the body as it rebuilds after pregnancy and postpartum.

I’m not overthinking it, but I am being more mindful of making sure I’m actually eating meals that support me, especially now that I’m getting back in the kitchen and starting to enjoy it again.

It’s simple, flexible, and exactly what I’ve needed in this season, and every day.

Here’s my go-to tofu scramble:

Sometimes I’ll have it with toast, sometimes with avocado, sometimes just on its own.

It’s nothing fancy, but it’s been exactly what I need right now.

Simple, warm, and nourishing.

x, holy

I think part of me thought I would be pregnant by now, and that this birthday would feel different. When things don’t go the way you imagined, it can make you want to skip the moment altogether. Guilty.

But I had a moment where I reminded myself that I still deserve to be celebrated. I still deserve love and care, even in a season like this. Honestly, even more so in this season. So I decided to make plans and be around people I love, and I’m really glad I did.

It ended up being a really nice weekend. I felt so supported by the people around me, our community. The messages, the time together, all of it meant more than I can explain. And especially my husband, who has truly been my everything through all of this. I don’t know how I would have gotten through these past weeks without him.

We started the festivities with dinner Thursday night, rightfully so. We went to La Semilla, an all plant-based restaurant focused on modern latin cuisine. This wasn’t our first time, but when I saw they had a new menu, I knew I wanted to try it right away. My favourite bites were the nachos (only available on Thursdays) and the blistered carrots.

We also went to my favourite Ethiopian restaurant, Bole Ethiopian. I’m not going to lie, your girl was a little hungover Friday morning, and this meal plus a daytime nap was exactly what I needed. A fair amount of Manhattans, whiskey tonics, and ranch waters were had. And you know what, it was lovely.

I stopped drinking about eight months before we got pregnant, by choice. So it felt nice to just drink and be for a moment. I don’t miss how I feel the next day, but I did miss a Manhattan.

Saturday started the way it should, with an iced oat matcha and a vegan croissant from my favourite coffee shop. We also picked up some doughnuts to share.

There was a Pose event happening that day that I wasn’t able to make, but they sent me the sweetest birthday video. Seeing everyone together meant so much, and I’m so grateful for that community.

Later that day, I gathered my community for drinks and hangs at my favourite whiskey distilleries. We caught up, laughed a lot, and just enjoyed being together. It was perfect, and I’m really glad I ended up sending that Paperless Post.

I’ve also been trying to shift how I think about everything. For a while, I kept coming back to the thought that I should still be pregnant right now. But the truth is, I was pregnant. Even if it didn’t last the way I hoped, it was real, and there’s nothing I could have done differently. That’s been hard to accept, but also freeing in a way.

I also did something that felt really special to me. I went to Catbird (my favourite) and got a permanent bracelet for my baby. It’s simple, but it means everything to me. I catch myself looking at it throughout the day, and it brings me a little bit of comfort every time. And it pairs really well with the two petite Second Avenue bracelets I already have, which makes me love it even more.

I’m moving into the next phase of getting answers and understanding what happened more fully. And for the first time, it doesn’t feel as overwhelming. It feels like I’m moving forward. Because becoming a mother, to a full-term baby, will happen.

If you’re in a season like this too, I’m holding space for you here.

Cheers to 38!

x, holy

At the time, I imagined this space as somewhere I could document my experience as pregnancy unfolded. The things I was learning, the surprises of the first trimester, and the questions that kept popping up along the way.

Some of you might know me from my other publication, @wellbyholy, where I’ve spent years writing about wellness and everyday life. This space felt like a natural place to share a different part of my journey.

But during my second trimester, my pregnancy ended in loss. My first ever pregnancy. Robbed. Gone. Just like that.

Like many women, I suddenly found myself in a season I never expected. A lot of grief, a lot of questions, and trying to understand what my body had just gone through.

For a little while, I wasn’t sure if this space still made sense. But as time passes, I’m realizing more and more that the reason I created plant-based maman still matters.

There are so many parts of the journey to becoming a mother that we simply don’t talk about enough. The prep. The before. The physical changes. The recovery. The emotional shifts. The confusing moments in between. All of it.

Also, hello… postpartum after loss. WTF is all this?

This journey isn’t stopping us from trying again. We’re getting answers, learning as we go, and holding onto hope for the day we’re pregnant again.

I’m learning that grief and hope can exist at the same time. Both are part of the journey to becoming a mother.

So for now, this space will still be what I hoped it could be. A place to talk about the things we don’t hear enough about on the journey to becoming a mother.

If you’ve found your way here, welcome. If you’ve walked through pregnancy loss too, I’m holding space for you here.

- holy