how i'm taking care of myself lately

letting go of comparison, returning to myself, and redefining what wellness actually looks like right now

We talk about wellness every day. It’s everywhere. A billion-dollar industry built on routines, products, and the idea that if we just get it right, we’ll feel better.

After my miscarriage, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it actually means to take care of myself.

And listen… I love it. I’m a sucker for good branding, pastels, and serif fonts. My husband calls me out on it all the time, and honestly, he’s not wrong. I’ve always been this way. My journey into wellness started over 20 years ago when I went plant-based. So yes, I love a good product design. I love supporting small businesses. I love discovering something new.

It brings me joy. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

But lately, I’ve been reminded that there’s no amount of products that can actually make you feel whole.

Last week, I realized I was more unhappy than I thought.

I told my husband I wanted to buy a reformer. His answer was a solid no. Not because I can’t have it, but because realistically, I wouldn’t use it enough to justify it. And he’s probably right. Okay fine, he’s right. I haven’t been consistent with Pilates the way I used to be. Life has been life. In my head, it made sense. I don’t have to spend $45 at a studio, I could just do it at home… but would I, though?

And also… my body has been through a lot.

I miscarried a little over two months ago, and my body is still trying to regulate. My hormones have been all over the place. I just had my second cycle since, and it left me feeling more emotional than I expected.

And then there’s Instagram.

I’d open the app and see everyone living their version of the “best life.” Pilates at noon, glowing, thriving, moving like nothing ever happened. And I realized… being on there, in this season, wasn’t helping me at all.

I kept telling myself I was strong enough to scroll, to like, to be happy for everyone. And I am happy for them. Truly. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t affecting me. So I did what I should have done a while ago.

I deactivated my account.

And honestly… it’s been one of the best things I’ve done for myself. My mindset shifted from “I should be further along” to “I’m allowed to be exactly where I am.”.

This season has been a lot. Doctor visits, ultrasounds, an MRI. Trying to get answers while also trying to move forward. The world doesn’t stop, and for a while, I felt like I had to keep up. But I don’t.

I don’t have to carry everything at once.
I don’t have to pretend I’m okay when I’m not.
I don’t have to rush my healing.

So I’ve been going back to the basics. The kind of wellness you don’t buy.

Walking more consistently. Not just to work, but during my lunch break and at home after dinner. I also added 2 lb weights and let me tell you… humbling. But good. That’s 4 lb total, by the way.

Voice memos with friends while I walk. Catching up on podcasts. Getting back into my devotional. Spending time with God. More tea. More matcha. Reading more. Writing more. Journaling with Wilde House Paper.

Taking care of myself in ways that actually feel like care.

I had a facial this weekend. Talked through things that feel small, like dark circles from crying, and Atlanta pollen, but also feel real to me. I had lunch with my sisters. And took a Pilates class with my sister-in-law. A date night with my husband. I laughed. I felt like myself again, even if just for a moment.

facial at heyday skincare, lunch at staplehouse, dinner at little bear, matcha from chrome yellow.

There’s no right way to grieve. We all carry things differently. But what I’m learning is that taking care of myself right now isn’t about doing more. It’s about doing what actually supports me. Leaning into my community. Letting myself be where I am. Choosing what feels good instead of what looks good.

I know we’ll hold our baby one day. I believe that deeply. But right now, my focus is this season. Healing at my own pace. Without comparison. Without a timeline.

And maybe that’s the most real version of wellness there is.

And no… I don’t need a reformer for that.

x, holy